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The Legend:
How The Monkey Statues In South America Came Into Existence
Pigeons aren't real. If you catch a pigeon and rotate its left wing counter-clockwise, it will open up. Inside there is a little seat, some pedals, and a little lever that makes the head bob when it walks. Marshmallow peeps have invented these amazing bird-robots for their advancement in society. The peeps are using these pigeons to collect garbage off the streets and build underground cities. Inside every pigeon there is a peep.


Marshmallow peeps are evil, evil, creatures. Back in the 1920’s Agent Swordmaster of the CIA developed a division solely for tracking down and apprehending peeps. Since then, the division has actually spread through the entire organization. Now the CIA battles peeps daily; in fact, that’s all they do.

You’re probably used to seeing peeps in packages of 15 around Easter time, right? Well, the CIA is responsible for that. When the CIA seizes a peep, they package it immediately. With advances in peep warfare, they can usually detain peeps before they reach the size of a marble. By the time Easter rolls along, each peep will have suffocated in his prison, but not before the package is filled with its offspring. You see, the major problem in combating peeps is their natural regeneration power. They multiply at an alarming rate, and grow rapidly. This becomes a dilemma when marshmallow peep genocide means catching and eating peeps faster than they spawn each other. That explains why a package with only one marshmallow captured at marble size will have 15 normal sized peeps by Easter. Peeps captured close to Easter are put in smaller packages and are sold as packs of five. The CIA spends 47.62% their budget on tracking down and apprehending peeps, but by selling the prisoners, the CIA provides an income for the continuing war on the tyrant marshmallow devils.

As with all evil villains, the peeps want to take over the world. Right now they are limited to the underground cities they are building due to the CIA keeping them at bay. The CIA however, is not who we should truly thank for our peaceful lives. At one time the peeps almost got the foothold they needed to conquer the world: the equator. Not only would taking the equator be the best way to divide and conquer, but it is also the largest cross section on earth and therefore easiest to strike all areas from.
As everyone knows for obvious reasons, monkeys are a serious threat to any form of marshmallow creature. The peeps knew their mission could actually be feasible if they disposed of all the monkeys in the areas close to the equator. They began digging tunnels in their underground cities closer and closer to a city called Tumaco, Columbia. With the stealth of ninjas hundreds of thousands of peeps crept into South America.
One cloudy day in Tumaco, Columbia a monkey was eating a banana. To his surprise, he turned around and saw a swarm of marshmallow mischievous sprites in the shape of little pink chicken things approaching. The monkey tried to escape with incalculable speed, but the raw power and brilliant planning of the peeps were too much for him. He was quickly subdued with grapping hooks and completely taken over. As the ritual commenced, the peeps slit the throat of the monkey and drank its blood. Many killings followed for the next few months. Attacking on cloudy days or in the dead of night, the pink army slowly killed off hundreds of monkeys.
On a day similar to many previous, thousands of peeps snuck up on a monkey; an orangutan. As they climbed on top of it after subduing it with grappling hooks, they reached for their pinwheel shaped daggers. The monkey fainted. Just before killing the monkey, the clouds in Tumaco subsided. The blazing sun was over powering for the peeps and they deteriorated; completely covering the orangutan in pink goo. The melted peep carcasses flowed into the pores of the orangutan. With marshmallow peep DNA; the orangutan obtained the power to rapidly grow. As an orangutan made out of meringue, he had the same regeneration powers as the peeps do, only slightly different. Most of his redeveloping power was geared toward making him bigger instead of toward multiplication. When he regained consciousness he hurried back to his monkey village to warn the others. He returned to the village in time, but he was only met with confused and disgusted faces on his monkey friends.
Shunned by his village for being pink, he retreated to a cave deep in Guayaquilo. Far under the mountain, he was protected from the peeps, but more importantly, the sun. So far under ground, the temperature could not melt our newfound hero. After a while he realized he was growing. Scared by this discovery, he fainted again. When he woke up, he was even bigger. Not knowing what to do, he just hung out in his cave playing hackey-sack and sleeping. As weeks passed, he realized he was getting too big for the cave and one day would have to move. Although he knew he had no other choice than to abandon his cave of security, he was afraid of how the world would respond to an 1100-foot-tall, pink monkey.
The peeps were waiting. As they closed in on the now vulnerable sugar monkey, Joe the peep accidentally stepped on a twig. The meringutang heard the twig break and quickly darted off due east. The peeps chased after, but not after devouring Joe. Luckily, the meringutang went east. If he had ran west, he would have been quickly met by the Pacific Ocean.

Now remember, this meringutang was 1,100 feet tall! The strides he took while running far out measured the marshmallow peeps. By the time he arrived at the Atlantic Ocean he was way far ahead of them. As the giant monkey had been running, trees were being uprooted into his massive sticky feet. When he reached the ocean, he started setting down all the trees stuck inside of him onto the water and sticking them together with pink goo. He built a bridge from Parnaiba, South America to the island Sao Tome of off Gabon, Africa. On the island he made a large tiger trap and then built a bridge to the mainland. The peeps were way too smart to fall for a tiger trap. He should have built a peep trap. The meringutang continued building bridges and running all the way through Indonesia, and back through the Pacific into Tumaco, Columbia. This last bridge took the longest to build and upon completion the peeps were almost right on top of him. Well, they should have been, but they were nowhere to be seen.

As it turns out, the hot equator sun was melting our hero as he ran. Every time he took a step he left a huge gooey pink footprint. The regenerative power in his DNA made the footprint spawn into another meringutang. A meringutang for every footstep means a lot of meringutangs. When the meringutangs formed, they started following the meringutang in front of them, and soon had an army of pink monkeys marching around the equator. The peeps knew they could never take them all at once so temporarily retreated back to their underground cities to plan a strategy. Meanwhile, the meringutangs produced from the huge footprints were melting as they followed the first meringutang. More and more meringutangs were created, but on average, the meringutangs were getting much smaller. When the first meringutang caught up with the back of the line, completing the circle, he had melted down to the size of all the other ones. Without eating anything and leaving so many footprints, he and all the other meringutangs were the size of ordinary monkeys. This formed a continuous line of meringutangs walking around the equator; all the same size. To avoid shrinking into nothingness, the meringutangs started eating the meringutangs in front of them-- Boy, were they sweet and delicious! Soon there was a continuous cycle of "eating the meringutang in front of you while spawning a new one behind you for the other one behind him to eat while spawning another one for the other one behind him to eat." The meringutangs survive by eating and melting, eating and melting. The meringutangs never get larger or smaller, only eating as much as they’re losing to survive.

MARSHMALLOW PEEPS!!! Forgot about those devilish creatures, pawns of the winged beast of hell? WELL DON'T!!!! They could strike you down at any time. Still planning a way to take the equator, they made an alliance with the cupcake warriors. This made their army more powerful than it had ever been. Cupcake warriors are cuddly creatures that pose no real threat; except when they are on horseback. When they're riding, their potential destruction level rises to 14. These ferocious riders of fear and death can ride swiftly and aim with true precision. Knowledge of this had previously only upset the marshmallow peeps. They were worried that the cupcake warriors would be a threat to them. However, after some swindling the marshmallow peeps gained a strong alliance with the cupcakes warriors. The peeps began their new plan.
Deep underneath Tumaco, Columbia the peeps began to clone new breeds of marshmallow chicken creatures. By keeping some ordinary peeps underground without ever letting them be exposed to the dangers of the CIA or The Mering Co., they were able to grow them unusually large. This breed of peeps were usually purplish gray and faster than normal peeps. The cupcake warriors rode these peeps into battle like knights rode their steeds. In fact, these peeps were just about as big as Clydesdales.
Before describing the next series of events, I'll need to explain one more thing. The easiest way to kill a marshmallow peep: get it wet. You could kill a peep in many ways (refer to video please), but it would be safer for you to shoot it with a super soaker from 20 yards away. Marshmallow peeps are a rare mixture of soluble and biodegradable. When they get wet, they instantly turn into dirt (it's true).

With the peeps having made an alliance with the cupcake warriors, one might think they would easily have conquered the world by now. Luckily, meringutangs have very scary faces, and usually frighten the cupcake warriors out of attacking suddenly. For the most part, this works great, but every once in a while, a brave cupcake warrior will ride his peep a little too close to the meringutang circle. The meringutangs don't take any chances. They developed a style of fighting known as merjitsu. With merjitsu the meringutangs can easily defend themselves from threats (which there are lots of to monkeys made completely out of delicious sugar). For the most part, meringutangs choose not to fight since they are peaceful folk and only eat each other. Instead, they keep the enemy away by using there most amazing skill ever developed in merjitsu. Meringutangs learned how to spit up to 4 gallons of water 20 yards or more. With their impeccable accuracy they de-peep the cupcake warriors and leave them 100% helpless. The enemies can never plan a sneak attack, because the meringutangs are all in a circle watching each other's backs and they never let their guard down. From eating each other they are always on a sugar high. Since then the cupcake warriors are held at bay along with the marshmallow peeps by meringutangs. Without these freakish heroic monkeys we would not live life as we do now. Who could possibly dream of what a peep run society would entail? Every night, thank your lucky stars that meringutangs exist. Every morning, chase down and eat a peep.

Oh yea... Early in the creation of the meringutang circle, groups of meringutangs wandered out of the circle. This is known to meringutangologists as "Curious George Syndrome." These meringutangs were quickly chased down by peeps and turned to stone. They left the stone monkeys where they killed them to intimidate any others that passed by. Where monkey parts are found, it is not because of broken statues. It is from monkeys that were dismembered before being turned to stone.