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How to kill a peep
Ever since the CIA backed out of the fight, intelligence concerning peeps has dropped significantly.
This is why it is absolutely vital that we use the little knowledge we possess efficiently to destroy the little bastards.
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Death by Acupuncture
well, acupuncture is uh, an ancient art of... spp... umm... putting small pins into the
into the pores of... uh... live animals, well, we have found that the peep itself, once punctured too many times, gets too bloated with air,
just.. ends up..err.. losing all of its air in the end.
peep subdued by Cinder Blocks
death-pins provided by Barb the cafeteria lady
acupuncture theory developed by Turbo
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Firing Squad
Hiring an army is ALWAYS a good idea. These guys are employed by room 1437 at Brockport. They
hide all over the dorm room and shoot at intruders. It is especially helpful when peeps try to sneak in and kill us, or when the RA
tries keying into our room to take our beer.
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Death by dismemberment
Get a really sharp knife and cut
the peep into quarters, then eigths, then sixteenths..etc..etc.. heck, just go nuts on the damn thing. Make sure each piece is completely dead though.
If a piece is still alive, it will use its regeneration power and spawn another peep.
Koala knife provided by RTG |
Squish them with your breasts
This technique is especially popular at parties.
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??????
I have no idea how to feel about this picture. Bingo found it at the flea market last year. I don't know how his eyes got like that, or even if it killed him.
Anyways, based on the picture, I'm just going to assume that if you take some cereal and a shovel, and then light them on fire, the fire will become a marshmallow peep
eye magnet and suck the peep's eyes right out of his head. I'm also assuming that blind peeps die from drug addiction... I dunno, maybe the jenga blocks have something to do with it.
The important thing is that big eyes = death or not death... we aren't really sure, but we know that one time there was a peep with big eyes, and he probably died since then. |
Get It Wet
This is the easiest way to kill a marsmallow peep. They are a very rare mixture
of soluble and biodegradable so when they get wet they instantly turn into dirt (it's true). If you don't have a super-soaker or something else that will allow you to blast the peep from
a safe distance, you might want to get a meringutang on your side. Meringutangs can spit up to 4 gallons of water 20 yards or more. With their impeccable accuracy they turn the peeps into dirt and leave any cupcake warriors that might be riding 100% helpless.
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Shoot Lots of Pigeons
Every pigeon contains a marshmallow peep. The best advice I can offer is to always carry a sling shot to kill the pigeons with.
They may try to disguise themselves, but don't be fooled. Other than hats the peeps have also started using big noses and glasses for incognito bird-robots.
go to the Rock-oh In Tumaco section of the site to see an X-ray
that shows the true inner-workings of a pigeon.
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Microwave
This method works ok. At first the peep will get really big, but will eventually melt to death.
It works much better if you put him in the microwave for only about 5 seconds with a CDR.
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